"Father and brother have killed slaves before, haven't you?"
...... I was no adorable child. On the contrary, I was more likely to be considered insane.
My father, unable to argue with such unreasonable arguments, turned red and purple, and his mouth was always left agape. My brother, however, was different.
He punched me in the cheek and rebuked me.
“What kind of idiot kills for fun? Fool!”
Then he began to lecture me earnestly.
Slaves were not treated as human beings because of their sins. Sometimes it could be just because of their inability to pay taxes, thus limiting their rights as human beings. The reason why father and I executed slaves was because of them sinning further. In other words, they were executed as a punishment. Yes, the end result was that slaves were killed, but the process leading up to them is different. It's not proper behaviour for a noble to let a slave die in a random and frivolous way, justifying it as an experiment......
I was made to listen to this kind of lengthy lecture.
Of course, at first I only pretended to understand and held back my tongue. I don't want to be lectured to. What do you even know, you've never been frightened of the possibility that you might die tomorrow....... I cursed secretly while planning on how to conduct my next experiment. Indeed, I was a brat that was humiliating to bring out to anywhere.
However, I was only able to keep at that for two to three years. My research stalled and my experiments failed to produce the results I wanted. The prospect of me becoming immortal was just like finding a needle in a haystack. The more time I spent like this, the more my passion for eternity faded away.
As my final attempt at the problem, I unreasonably declared that I was moving abroad for studies, but all I learned was nothing related to immortality. In the meantime, father died and my brother became busy with the sudden change of the head of the family.
"I'm sure this is for the best, I'm sure."
I ended my reminiscing and smiled at brother, who still hasn't opened his eyebrows.
The wisdom of alchemy that I had learned for most of my life was insufficient for immortality, but it had helped in the tasks that brother was now responsible for. I was able to improve farmland by altering the composition of the soil, upgrade infrastructure such as wells, and reduce the cost of elixirs as an alternative to healing magic. Alchemy became useful to help others, rather than prolong my life.
Somewhere along the way, I found happiness and satisfaction that my work was useful to others. That would surely be a much more fulfilling and human way of life than pursuing eternity for selfish reasons.
So I can't thank my brother enough for putting me back on this path.
Even if I am drunk, it was not something that I could easily be honest about. Even more so saying it directly face to face.
I changed the subject.
"I'll ask you the opposite, is brother unhappy?"
"You've got to be kidding me...... What have I got to complain about?"
He jokingly concluded with, "Well, I'm not very happy about being bothered by an old man like Lavallee."
That was what he deserved. He was asking for it by falling in love with a maiden from a family that belonged in the lower rungs of the centralist faction, which was mostly controlled by the wily old fox. From now on, he would have to battle it out until the old man kicks the bucket.
Leaving it at that…...
"Then it's good, isn't it? As long as you're happy."
As long as my family was happy and I could spend my days in peace, there was nothing else I could wish for.
I realised this as I said.
(Oh, right......)
Me and brother, we are family.
I was reborn, and my memories of the past kept pulling me back, and somewhere in my mind, I thought I was a fake. I thought that my real family had been left behind in another world, and that my father and brother living in this world were inadequate replacements.
It was ridiculous of me to think that way. I am now Tullius Shrunan Oubeniel, living on the continent of Itusera. I no longer the XXXX that lived in Japan. In order to live in this world, this was something I had to first recognise.
I am such an idiot to only realise it now.
"......I'm afraid I'm too drunk myself. I have said too much."
I could hear brother’s murmuring from behind as I indulged in self-derision. It's already this late. It’s time for me to go to bed.
"You should head to bed early. Too much exposure to the night wind can be harmful to your health."
"Yes, I know. I'm a firm believer of living as long as possible."
"Huh. That's not very convincing coming from a frequent night owl."
We joked about it for a while.
"Good night, Tullius."
"Good night, brother."
We exchanged our greetings and parted ways.
I continued to look out the window, alone.
A desolate moonlit wilderness. As I looked at such a lonely landscape, the fear of death suddenly appeared in the space between my heart again.
But I won't be trapped by that anymore.
Tullius Shernan Oubeniel is a reincarnated person. But before that, he is a human being living in this world. He lives a finite life, and when he has lived for as long as he can, he will eventually succumb to death. I was not ready to accept my end peacefully without doing anything, but now, I don't intend to abandon everything and cling to eternity.
For the first time in my twenty years of living in this world, I felt from the bottom of my heart that it was okay.
※ ※ ※
—Linus woke up from his long dream.
He sat up and looked around. It was a small, cramped room with bare stone walls and a poorly made wooden floor. Next to the simple bed, was an old and smelly night pot. The mere act of staying in this room was enough to damage a person’s spirit.
This was a room in a monastery that housed lunatics, those who had committed shameful crimes, or those who had fallen from noble society.
"Ah......?"
He tried to recall what he had been dreaming of.
The dream felt so impossible, but he had deeply wished it was true. But he could not remember the fine details. A dream is something that becomes vague once the person wakes up. In addition, Linus' thoughts were muddled by his madness. Trying to remember his dream was impossible.
He started moaning and groaning.
"............"
Eventually, as if he had enough of it, he laid down on his bed again.
He didn't want to think about anything else. He just wanted to be alone and quiet without anyone bothering him.
Linus closed his eyes and fell asleep again, while hugging his knees. He tried to forget the past, the present, and reality, as he fell into a slumber once more. A happy life that existed only in his mind. This was his last refuge.
※ ※ ※
"......Good....... Master."
—From my long, long dream, I was pulled back to reality by such a voice.
My head felt heavy. My thoughts were in a mess. My eyelids felt like they were glued together, because I could not bring myself to wake up from the dream.
But I had to get up. Now that she was calling me, it was time to wake up.
Still in a daze, I raised my body. A cool and soft hand pushed me up. I rested my weight on her hand and manage to pry open my swollen eyelids.
"......"
Blinded by the morning light, I looked at the owner of the hand that helped me up.
A girl in a maid's outfit with green eyes was looking straight at me.
"Hah ...... Good morning, Uni."
"Good morning, Master."
She — Uni — replied to the sloppy greeting with a sigh, without seeming to be offended. Waking up as usual, it's a normal morning.
"You look very tired, how can I help you?"
"Yeah, yeah...... I've had a lot of busy stuff going on for a while now. I haven't been sleeping enough."
As I said this, I thought back to my recent busy days.
After defeating my elder brother and taking the position of Count, I became swamped with the responsibilities. It was a series of tedious and uninteresting tasks, such as controlling the vassals of the count's family and understanding the internal documents of the new territory. I'm tired and frustrated because I didn’t have enough time for research. It's no wonder I have trouble waking up from sleep. Long dreams were a sign that my sleeps were shallow. I don't think I was in a healthy state.
